Sunday, November 23, 2014

Another New Day.

Have to say my 'zimmer with hanging basket' is working out to be the best thing I've thought of for ages.  Quite spoiled myself yesterday by using it (just for one trip) to take a thermos full of hot coffee, a tin of fruit, a can opener, a basin and spoon, a carton of fruit juice, a box of cheese biscuits, a small pack of low-fat cheese spread, a butter knife and a bowl of hot Beanfeast Mexican chilli for my lunch all to be partaken throughout the rest of the day/evening in the sitting room.
Did of course walk around during that time, but my culinary 'needs' were catered for, and even though it weighed quite a bit, this seemed to help stabilise the zimmer and it was still very easy to move. 
At the end of the day the basket held all the above (empty where appropriate) plus a few other things as well, so easy to take into the kitchen where I unhooked the basket and put it on the table to be dealt with this morning.

Regarding the trolley Les, not sure if you mean the indoor trolley to carry food around (such as above), but the lady in the office said these were not THAT stable, especially when the wheels had to be lifted up over the edges of rugs etc.   I do have the other sort of trolley, meant for outdoors - it has a seat and a basket, and the intention was to use that in the car.  At the moment I cannot walk far enough for it to be useful to me.  However much my 'zimmer basket' may seem to be just an improvisation, it certainly works, and works well, for me.

We do have quite a few table lights and standard lights in our living room Ali, so if one bulb goes, the others will light my path.  Even the TV gives enough light to see where I'm going.  I also carry a small torch in my apron pocket, and keep this by my bed at night. 
It's just that I've always been so independent that am not used to asking people for help, but I know my neighbours can always be called upon when necessary.  We are so lucky to have good neighbours.

Interesting you mentioned eucalyptus to help sleep Claire.  When I put some neat lavender oil on my night clothes the other evening, to me it smelt more like Vick (eucalyptus) than lavender.  Didn't have such a good night last night, 5.00am before I fell asleep.   Spent most of the night talking (out loud) to whoever/whatever is 'up there' to try and help me through this.  Mainly asking for my heart to gain more strength.  I can't seem to do much of anything at the moment without puffing and blowing and feeling weak.  Am pretty sure a lot of this is caused by stress, so as the days go by and my meds are increased, things should only get better.

Think up to the present time I've been in denial, not thinking about it means it never happened.  Trying to believe that B was just out and about 'doing his own thing', and me alone in the house as it used to be (except at meal times).   Now I'm beginning to realise that I'm really alone, and with no-one to look after (but myself) it is something I'm needing to come to terms with.  Fortunately I'm happy with my own company, always been a bit of a recluse.  Just need to find the incentive to take up a new hobby or something.

Anyway, I'm going to start to make lists again.  Something to make me get up and get on with things.  So today a load of laundry will be done in the washing machine (it works if I keep my eye on it), rubbish will be put out for the upstairs neighbours to take out to the gate for me early Tuesday morning.  The fridge/freezers MUST be sorted (keep putting it off), and a big pan of vegetable soup made so I can re-heat that over the next few days.

Really must send in an order to Tesco, not so much for food other than milk/eggs, but do need plenty of non-foods (B always used to buy these at Morrisons),  and best to build up some stocks of canned foods and 'keeping' vegetables ready for the colder months.   So at least today will be busy.  Life will go on much as normal, it's just the loneliness I have to come to terms with.  Yet, I've never minded that before (when B used to go off for a month on his sailing trips),  this time it is - different. 

Keep feeling, when I'm writing down my thoughts, that I'm making too much of it.  I'm not the only widow in the country,  many/most will have had the same pain and suffering, and many lots worse, so considering the circs, what happened was possibly the best way to go.  Like I said to 'them up there' last night "I must not feel sorry for myself".   

Heard a lovely little verse some weeks ago, this I heard again on 'EastEnders' when Dot Cotton read it over the burial of her son's ashes recently.  It began with 'miss me, but let me go', and it really has the most lovely words.  Perhaps I can find it on the Internet.

Well, that's my rather sad blog for today.  Perhaps next week I'll be in a better frame of mind.  Almost certainly if I can do all the jobs I've set myself today then I should cheer up a bit (more notches on my bedpost).  Probably will write about these tomorrow.  Hope to see you then.